It has been a long journey. I am heading back to Nashville without an accepted referral. We have changed our flights and leave tomorrow instead of Saturday. Today, I turned down what everyone considers a perfectly healthy little girl. I don't know why. I am at a loss for words to explain it. All I know is that when I looked at her, when I held her, even when that sweet angel fell asleep in my arms today, I just knew in my heart that she wasn't my daughter. Is it 2nd child syndrome as Svetlana believes? Is it that I hadn't allowed myself to believe she was healthy for so long that I couldn't open myself up to her even when all the signs indicated she was perfectly healthy? Is it something else altogether? I knew doors might close for me. I never imagined I would be the one to close one though.
I believe I made the right decision about my referral although I might never understand it. I also believe that CSS will bring that sweet angel to her true parents. I hold on to the faith that the right child will be brought to me (or me to her/him as the case may be).
Thanks to everyone for your love and support.
The whys don't matter. God has other plans for your family as well as that little girl. You will find your little one...just not on this trip.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. I admire your strength and patience to wait for the right child. Wishing you a safe return home.
ReplyDeleteI definitely admire your strength and your ability to trust your instincts. I second that God has a plan for you, Clare and that little girl.
ReplyDeleteI understand. We turned down our first referral on our second adoption and I second guessed myself for the longest time. If you want to talk I'm at staylor602@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteTo have the strength to make the right decision can be hard. Thinking of you....
ReplyDeleteHi Kathy,
ReplyDeleteI finally located your blog and wanted to say how very sorry I am that you had to go through this. I agree with everyone else that there is a different plan for you. Hang in there and I just know when you meet your child, you will understand!
Teresa
I can't say that I understand because Nickolas was our first referral, but I am so sorry to hear this. You have to trust your instincts and know that it will all work out for you, Claire and that little girl.
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