Spoke with Carol and the unthinkable happened (again). When will I begin to "think the unthinkable" before it actually happens to me to avoid this situation? Anyway, I learned this morning that my referral was shared with a Russian family who (of course) fell in love with him and found their son. I have faith and am holding on to the belief that this little angel was meant for them and not me, despite the love and attachment I had already started to feel. Did I mention that on the heels of learning that I lost this referral, Carol mentioned they had a 4th referral for me? What a crazy morning! It has been a really tough day. Really really tough. Puffy, red eyes and lots of kleenex. The hardest part is trying to sort through all the emotions. The dismay that this happened. The sadness that this little boy was not truly my son. The hope that this new referral might be my child. The fear that I will lose another referral. The joy when I look at the picture of my new referral. The anticipation of traveling in a few weeks.
Anyway, instead of leaving this Saturday to meet a sweet, beautiful, healthy little boy. I am leaving in 3 weeks on Sept 24th to meet a sweet, beautiful healthy little girl. I haven't fully processed everything yet. At this point, I am still just trying to breathe, to let myself have time to think it all through - to let my heart catch up to my life.
Carol and I should speak later this week on more details (hopefully) related to the referral. For now - I am trusting in God's plan for me - however difficult it may be to comprehend.
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