Lost referral

So, short post.  The judge in Kaluga is opposed to single parents.  Heartbroken....

As one adoptive mom reminded me today - I need to pray for doors that should be closed to close and for those that should be opened to open wide!  I pray for little Magdalena to be brought into the loving arms of her forever family soon.  It was only for a short time but I already had opened my heart full of love to that little angel.  She is going to be an amazing daughter for the right family.  I just wasn't meant to be her mommy.

Wherever my daughter is, I am sending love and prayers her way.  Hold on sweet one.  I am here - waiting to be brought to you.  Our time will come.   I love you already!

Travel Dates!

So, on Thursday, Carol called and gave me travel dates to meet a referral in Kaluga.  Don't want to share more information than that just yet.  But so excited.  Leaving on Saturday, March 12 and will meet a little angel on Monday, March 14th.  Some awesome friends here in Nashville are going to take good care of Clare while I am away for that week.  Received birth measurements and basic medical today.  Hope to get more information later this week with some potential pictures next week.  In the meantime, I am booking my flights, getting my visa, and getting ready to go!  HOORAY!

What makes waiting bearable?

The wait continues.  The trip to Moscow for February 7th didn't work out as hoped.  That is okay though.  I have complete faith in the process.  All of this just means that the little girl we discussed was not meant to be my daughter.  Latest news is that I might have some fun updates in March so that keeps me hopeful.

So - what makes the wait bearable?  One simple word - Clare.  Here are 2 pics of her- one from Christmas and one from her 3rd birthday party at the end of January.  She is going to be such an amazing big sister!  She gives me purpose and fills my life with love.  She is a constant reminder that no matter how tough the journey, it is worth it in the end!

Almost Ready!

Carol at CSS and I talked this week and seems like I will be traveling blind to Moscow and meeting my potential daughter on Monday, February 7th.  So exciting!  Should have the decision finalized next week on Tuesday but spending this weekend preparing - just in case.  Need to get my visa application going and start researching flights.  Most importantly, I need to figure out care for Clare while I am gone.  This experience is so different from Clare's adoption.  I cannot put my finger on it.  I suppose just traveling blind is a huge difference.  You don't want to get too excited because there is a high probability that I could come home without accepting the referral so I am trying to keep my emotions in check.  My emotions are also just so different.  Maybe I am just more calm because I am already a parent and have already had to travel across the world to bring Clare home.  I don't know - just different - not better, not worse - different.

Anyway, I will post more next week once I finalize all details.  Stay tuned!

The waiting game

So, I am waiting and waiting and waiting.  Svetlana's meetings at the MOE have been delayed or cancelled or there is a holiday so I continue to wait.  I know in my heart that I will be brought to my daughter at the right time - but the waiting gets old.  Plus, those of you who know me well know that patience is far from my strong suit.

While I have been waiting, I go from periods of calm to periods of complete panic.  I have this amazing little life with my daughter Clare.  She is sheer joy in my life.  Easy going, laid back, well behaved, smart, funny, beautiful, loving, kind, inquisitive, and quite tall actually...  She makes my life easy.  When I am calm, I look forward to having a 2nd daughter and for Clare to be a big sister.  I am excited to watch her and her sister become great friends, to see them grow into amazing girls and then women someday.  I think about them sharing clothes and secrets - having sleepovers in each others rooms, all the fun things that sisters do.  I laugh about how I am sure I won't be laughing someday when they argue and pull each other's hair and scream "stop touching me!" as they have knock down, drag out girl fights. Everything that goes along with being a family - I can't wait!

Then the panic sets in...  when I am in a panic, I wonder what in the world I am doing.   I use much stronger language in my own mind when I ask that question but I will leave those words to your imagination.  Why do I want to disrupt our peaceful life?  How am I going to do this with 2?  How will I be able to watch 2 of them at the same time without losing one? Will I love this 2nd child as much as I love Clare?  All my friends say I will - that it just happens because that is what parents do.  Are they telling me the truth or just trying to calm me down?  How will I balance the demands of my job with being a single mom of 2?  Can I do this?  Total Panic!

Then I take a deep breath, have faith in God's plan, and ... continue waiting, waiting, waiting.

Baby girl #2 - I am waiting and hopeful and ready to fill my heart again in love for you - panic and all!  I know you will find us when you are ready... until then - waiting, waiting, waiting (with a beautiful Hallween Ballerina to keep me company)...

Registered in Moscow

This past week, I talked with Carol at my agency, CSS and we finally decided to register me in Moscow, 5 months after I submitted my dossier. It is all finally starting to feel real! This adoption is such a different experience than my first from Kaz.

For those of you new to my journey, I adopted my daughter, Clare, from Uralsk, Kazakhstan in September 2008. The agency that I used, which is one of the best in Kaz, no longer accepts single parents. While there are other agencies that still are accepting singles in Kaz, I really trusted my agency and believed that if they were not accepting singles, there was a good reason. To find my daughter and Clare's sister, I chose Catholic Social Services out of North Carolina. They work in several different regions in Russia, all of which have different requirements and processes. Moscow is a region where you travel "blind" which means I will travel without any information on the child - no picture, no medical, nothing. Very different than my experience in Kaz.

I anticipate it will be a 3-trip journey. The first trip is typically a week long. I will travel to Moscow, meet a little girl, be given any medical history that is available, and have an opportunity to have a doctor evaluate her.  Then I have to make the decision as to whether I accept the referral or not. Very simply - is this my daughter? A few families recently have traveled and had to turn down referrals for medical reasons so there is definitely some risk and potentially some serious emotional pain involved. From my journey to Clare though, with a lost referral, I have faith that I will find my daughter in the right time and in the right way so I just have to keep that in mind.

After the first trip, I will come home and wait for a court date, which seems to be about 1-2 months after Trip #1. Trip 2 is about 4-5 days in length and is when I go to court and have the judge grant my adoption petition - you may know that as Gotcha Day! Then, there is the dreaded 10-day wait. In Uralsk, for Clare, this was waived, and I broke Clare out of the babyhouse the same day we had court. In Moscow, that won't happen. Because of Clare, I will come back to the US during the 10-day wait and then travel back for trip #3 to bring my new daughter home. That last trip is about a week in duration too.   Once we land on US soil, she will officially become a US citizen and the real journey begins with my 2 daughters, as a family!

Thanks for following along.  I will next post when I hear new news from my agency - hopefully with travel dates to Moscow.  

Why Adoption Beefstew?

So, for those of you who might be wondering why the strange name for my blog, I thought a brief explanation might be necessary.  During Clare's adoption, I had serious food issues in Kazakhstan.  I was constantly drawn to eating strange meat products.  It was weird.  Who knows - maybe they were adoption cravings.  Add to that the fact that I really don't cook - not yet anyway.  I realize I will have to start cooking more as the girls get older.    Anyway, one night in Kaz, I came back from the grocery store with some kind of really tough meat.  That night, I skyped with my mom and was trying to figure out what to do with the meat.  My mother, in all her love and wisdom, recommended that I just "whip up a quick batch of beef stew..."  It was one of the funnier moments of my journey.  Seriously - strange apartment, halfway around the world, by myself and my mom wants me, a person who barely cooks, to "whip up a quick batch of beef stew..."  Love you mom!  Anyway, I thought it was a fitting title for my blog as I venture out to Russia this time in search of my next daughter, and Clare's little sister.

Anyone up for a little beefstew?  I can't wait!  Beefstew, Round 2 - here I come!

By the way, for anyone who didn't follow Clare's journey and is interested in adopting from Kazakhstan, please feel free to check out the website I did for Clare's adoption.  The journal section catalogs each day of that amazing adventure.

www.fromkazwithlove.com
password:  clare