Nov 19 - The Baby Hospital

Tanya and Gregory picked me up at 10am after what I might possibly call my worst case of jet lag ever.  I think the jet lag, coupled with nerves and excitement just left me wide awake - all night!  Finally at about 6am, I fell asleep until 9am.  Hey - 3hrs of sleep is better than none.  I will take it!  Then off to the babyhome.  We had to get a piece of paper for court, showing that I had visited Audrey.  Unfortunately, she is still suffering from her upper respiratory infection so was at the baby hospital.  It wasn't too far from the babyhome - maybe a 5 minute drive or so.  She is going to be there until next Thursday they think.

You want to talk heartbreak - go to a baby hospital in Russia.  Audrey was in a room with 5 cribs.  The room was literally no bigger than my closet - granted I have a huge closet - but it was maybe 10x10.  There were 2 other children with her.  One little boy who was severely physically and developmentally challenged and a little girl who looked to be about 2 years old who kept reaching for me to hold her and calling me Mama. Tanya said this was probably the rooms for orphans as other kids had their parents with them in private rooms.   Honestly, I just wanted to cry right then seeing Audrey all alone in that room with these other 2 kids.  It is bad enough to be sick but to be sick and with no love or comfort.  Heartbreak!  I really can't even think about.  It was so incredibly hard to leave her there.

I was able to spend about an hour with her.  The social worker who will be with us at court joined us too.  She was observing me with Audrey and also asking me prep questions - how long will I stay home with Audrey before going back to work?  Who will care for her once I do go back to work?  What if she gets so sick that I need to quit my job - how will we afford to live?  Am I aware of her diseases?  All pretty basic questions - but nerve-wracking nonetheless on Monday when the judge will ask me.

As for Audrey - she looks the same, still cute but tiny.  She still isn't sitting up but she has been sick so is probably pretty weak.  I was glad to hear her little voice today.  So sweet.  She smiled and let out a little screech when I first picked her up.  I felt my heart just burst that made me so happy.  I don't think she recognized me necessarily (although I can dream).  I think she was more just so thrilled to be cuddled close to someone.  I will get to see her again tomorrow which will be the last time before our GOTCHA day which should be December 5th if all goes as planned.

The weather today is just what you would expect from Moscow in the winter.  Cold, dreary, with snowy sleet falling.  I don't mind though.  Feel like I am getting the full Russian experience.

I will write again tomorrow after I see sweet Audrey again.  Thanks for following along!