Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dec 3 - Off for trip 3

It is finally here.  I am off to Moscow for the final trip today.  Monday will be my Gotcha Day with Audrey.  These past 20 or so months have been such a roller coaster of emotions.  The highs of paperwork progress or a referral.  The lows of the setbacks and the lost referrals. The stress of imagining being a single mom of two.  The wonder when I realized how many people I have in my life who love and support me.  The excitement of the future, watching my 2 girls become more than sisters - but maybe best friends.

Now that the day is here - most of that has faded away. Now I really just feel ready.  Everything just feels right and natural.  I had an interesting discussion the other day with a friend as he was commenting on adoption and how special it is what I am doing.  I shared with him that adoption, for me, is no different than becoming a biological parent.  No more or less special.    Obviously the process is VERY different but the feelings are the same.  He said but "you are going to love a child unconditionally that you didn't create" and that is when it hit me - no, I didn't create her but God certainly created her for me.  She has always been my daughter.  We just didn't know each other yet.  Just as each biological child is created uniquely for his/her parents, each adopted child is created uniquely for those that wait in love to be brought to their son or daughter.  I am ready to bring Audrey home where she belongs to her big sister, to Ginger, our puppy, and to me, the mom who has loved her in my heart long before I knew her name or saw her sweet face.   I don't know if any of that makes sense but that is the way I feel at 5:18am on the day I leave to begin my life as a family now of 3!

I will write more from Moscow and guess what - I will post pictures of Miss Audrey on Monday when I bring her home to our apartment there.

A final note of thanks to all of my friends and family who have been with me through this entire journey.  You have all given me just what I needed whenever I needed it - support, encouragement, laughter, love.   I am so lucky to finally have Audrey in my life.  Even more - Audrey, Clare and I as a family are lucky to have all of you!  

To the Robertsons, the Hutchins, Aunt Cindy, the McDonalds, and the DG Family Center staff (especially Heather and Kimberly - the Red Lobsters) - thank you for watching Clare when I have been away.  Thank you for loving her like part of your family and keeping her safe and happy.  You will never know what a precious gift that was for me to be able to travel to Audrey, knowing that Clare was in such a good place.

To my family - thank you for the constant love and support during this process.  I have the courage to do this because of all of you.  I want Clare to have a sister because of my amazing brothers and the bond we have and the fun we have had and the laughter we have shared.  Families come in all shapes and sizes and all have their own challenges - I am so blessed to have mine because it has made me the person I am today.

To my best friends - Kim and Kate...  even though the miles and sometimes even life, separate us - I know you are always there for me.  We have become mothers together.  When I am feeling crazy and ready to receive the lifetime achievement award for "Worst Mom Ever" - you make me laugh and remind me that every mom, on any given day, is in the running for that distinction.

To my CSS family, Carol, Tanya, Svetlana, Irina, Alexander, Gregory - I don't have words for this group.  What do you say to people who have brought you to your daughter?   Can I ever thank them enough?  The answer is simply no but this group of people will always have a place in my heart.  As Audrey grows, I will share her story and the role each of these amazing people played to bring us together.

To my adoptive family friends who I have met along the way - thanks for understanding!  It is great to have a group of people who have walked this journey too, who not only care but really understand.  Your advice, your family stories, and your support have helped me through!

To anyone following along who feels as if you didn't make it into one of my thank you buckets yet - well, thank you too!   Life is certainly about the relationships we build and the lives we touch.  Thank you for following along and being a part of my journey.

Okay - enough emotional blogging babble.  I have to brush my teeth and head to the airport to go get my little girl!  I will blog again from Moscow!

Big sister Clare with her new hat and mittens at school this week

1 comment:

  1. Just catching up after a weekend away as Vera is bathing in front of me. I remember her gotcha day so clearly .... It's Monday morning there and today is your gotcha day!!!!!! Big hugs to you mama!!!